Secret Cancer

My husband passed away in his sleep on the 4th of February. It took me 15 days to realize he is not coming home. I have been so busy planning his funeral being surrounded by friends and family. This helped me live in a safe place of denial. Now, I am faced with this incredibly unfair reality. My best friend, my husband, the father of my children is never coming home.

He left us. My life will never be the same. I, no longer have a coparent, I am a single mom. There is no one to rely on when making parenting decisions. We are now a family without a father. He was literally the only one on the planet that knew what I was thinking and unconditionally loved me. Nothing will ever be big enough to fill up this incredible hole I feel. I am faced with this new life, trying to figure out, how can I go on without him.

We spent 17 years together building this incredible life with our two amazing kids. He has been such a huge part of my life. Some would say he was my life. He gave me the world and in return I gave him all that I am. I gave up so much to build this life with him. What do I do now, when he is no longer here to love me and support me? Who am I without him?